Lonely Hearts
by Tawny Owl
Summary: The unthinkable has happened:James has asked out Lily and she has said yes. Remus gets drunk, and Snape gate crashes. No slash but a lot of silliness.


**Disclaimer: It's J.K Rowling's really.**

**Author's note: It's just silly idea I had knocking around in my head, but please review because I'd like to know what people think.**

After twenty minutes of rambling the Hogwarts' corridors with nothing but his own thoughts for company Remus found himself in the Room of Requirement. At least that was where he presumed he was considering that seven years of marauding had never led him to this particular place before. It did not look how he would have imagined it to when under his sole influence; for one thing there was a distinct lack of books, but then if he'd wanted books he'd be in the Library. What there was instead were chairs that looked like they'd been pinched from the Common Room: the large squashy ones that you could safely fall asleep in without getting a crick in your neck. There also seemed to be cupboards full of beer and chocolate, and most surprisingly of all a record player. Further exploration in a chest revealed a selection of music that Sirius would describe as: "the sort of music listened to by moping werewolves and girls. Girls Moony! Turn it off and put the Sex Pistols on."

That was a thought. Was he moping? There had to be a good reason for him to be wandering the castle corridors because he felt like he needed space to sort his thoughts out. Not that he'd got very far. He was pleased for James because there was logically no reason not to be. Two years of enforced celibacy had paid off, so fair play to him.

The jammy bastard.

Remus was saved from following his thoughts to their logical conclusion by the door opening. It revealed the person he least wanted to see. Even Filch would have been an improvement.

"Severus," he greeted.

The other boy looked up. "What are you doing here Lupin?"

"I could ask you the same question".

Snape let his eyes dart around the room, "that's none of your business. Where are we?"

"The Room of Requirement."

"Ah," Snape hovered by the door while Remus waited for him to leave. Snape hesitated for a moment longer, and then decision apparently made stepped in to the room in a way that suggested he was here to stay. Wearily Remus plonked himself down with a beer while Snape inspected the furniture.

"I thought it took the form of whatever the seeker needed."

"It does. Unfortunately for you I got here first."

"And you needed a place devoid of style?"

"I think I needed a place to get drunk and wasn't worried about the décor."

Snape sat down carefully in another squashy armchair and shifted cautiously in case it decided to swallow him. Remus took another slug on his beer and returned to his thoughts. The truth was he had been thinking about drinking; possibly because he'd come to the conclusion that the one thing that Hogwarts didn't need right now was another happy couple snogging in the shadows. Especially when the couple was James and Lily. Although he was having trouble working out exactly why he thought that. Was he worried about their friendship? Would the dynamic of the Marauders shift? Would he still be as close to Lily? Would they still be able to sit together in the Library while she moaned about James strutting, and he laughed and told her that he wasn't so bad really? He distinctly remembered doing it, the way her eyes had danced in amusement as he defended his friend, and the slight twitch of her mouth as she said: "maybe I should give him a chance then?"

Oh Merlin, this was his entire fault; he should have just agreed that James was as arrogant as a hippogriff and then he wouldn't be in this emotional tangle. Wouldn't have felt just slightly sick as he'd agreed that yes perhaps she should.

Oh Merlin, he may fancy Lily Evans. Just a bit, but for quite a long time apparently.

He leant forward resting his head in his hands and when he looked up found himself caught in the unsettling gaze of Snape.

"Is it true?" The other boy asked. His usually slimy voice sounded just a little bit wobbly.

"Is what true?"

"That Potter," he sneered the name as though the contact with his lips was an unpleasant sensation, "asked out Evans and she said yes."

"Yes," Remus tried not to sound disappointed given his current revelation.

Snape didn't move but his eyes went slightly darker, and for a horrible moment Remus thought that he might actually start crying. Oh Merlin, Snape fancied Lily Evans. As did he; a new and troubling realisation that he was going to have to beat into submission quite quickly.

Snape pulled himself together. "What are you doing here Lupin?"

"Beer?" Remus asked. It was going to be a long night.

XXX

Snape was not an amusing drunk and his taste in music was possibly more depressing than Remus'. Remus had no idea which wizarding group was responsible but it was almost dirge like, and full of pure blood sentiment that would have had Sirius smashing the records by now. On top of that Snape managed to eat most of the chocolate meaning that Remus had seriously considered leaving, except of course that would involve braving the corridors and any snogging couples he might encounter there.

"Yet again precious Potter gets exactly what he wants," Snape broke the uncomfortable stint of silent drinking, "rather than what he actually deserves."

"It wasn't easy for him," Remus felt the need to contribute; despite the fact a very small part of him was dying to agree, "he has been persisting for at least two years."

"Hounding her," Snape hissed, "she probably gave in for the peace and quiet."

No, thought Remus, she gave in because I convinced her to give him a chance. I am an idiot.

"We have to make her see sense," Snape said with a slightly mad glint in his eye, "we have to save her."

"Since when have you and I been a 'we', Severus?"

"Doesn't matter. I remember seeing an antidote for a love potion..," his dark eyes lit up with something that seemed unsettlingly like glee.

"Give Lily a potion?"

"A kind of antidote. Yes."

"You'd really do that to her?"

Snape seemed to seriously consider this and then visibly deflated, "no."

"Good."

"How about the Imperius curse?"

"What?"

"Not on her. On Potter," he twisted the neck of the bottle viciously.

"No!" Remus snapped, "leave them alone. They're happy."

Incredibly so, sickeningly so, he was sure that if he saw that dopey grin on his friend's face one more time he would probably be forced to be so polite he'd burst a blood vessel.

"Potter is not good enough for her."

"But it's her choice."

Snape pulled a face that contorted his features into something unpleasant, "then what do you suggest, Lupin?"

"Just accept, be pleased for them."

"For Potter?"

"For Lily then. You were friends weren't you?"

"Were," muttered Snape, "so were you," he added looking at Remus with a bit too much perception.

"Ha!" It was the first time Remus had heard Snape laugh and it was so devoid of feeling he could quite happily die without ever hearing it again.

"You love her," Snape crooned nastily, almost happily, "but she is with one of your best friends. Someone you are no doubt pathetically grateful to because of said friendship; which means you wont do anything about it. You're stuck watching because you aren't brave enough to take what you want in case it means you loose one of them, or even both."

He smirked happily leaving Remus to realise what a greasy git he really was. Even if his deductive skills were spot on.

"At least she's still talking to me," he whispered quietly.

Snape snorted. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know," under the influence of alcohol and unrequited love Remus decided he really couldn't be bothered to rise above it on this occasion, "after you called her a Mudblood."

"How do you know about that?"

"I was there."

"I mean afterwards."

"The two of you were always gossiping in corridors and after that day you stopped. Do you want to know what she said?"

"No."

"That she was disappointed because despite all your dark little hobbies and your pure blood friends she really believed you were better than that."

"You're lying."

Snape had stood up knocking over the empty bottles in his haste. He looked calm but a muscle was jumping in his temple, and if Remus was sober enough to care he would have got out of the way. Instead he shrugged. "Well, you could ask her yourself."

Fortunately Snape standing was not as steady as Snape sitting and the curse missed and ripped a hole in the arm of the chair. It did however cause Remus to jump, and the counter curse he belatedly fired back wobbled and hit the bottle in Snape's other hand causing it to explode. They looked at each other for a second surrounded by glass and stuffing.

"Another beer?" Remus asked after a heart beat while he tried not to laugh at the feathers landing in Snape's hair. Snape snorted again, which he took to be an affirmative.

XXX

"'Sher eyes," Remus concluded as though that really did settle the argument, "they're green. Like grass."

"Can't you do better than that?"

"Glass?"

Snape grunted with derision.

"Gobstoppers? Some beautiful thing that is really, really, really green. 'Cos when they're looking at you it'shlike you're the only thing in the world."

"You're an idiot, Lupin."

"Yes, yes'm. Not that she'd have me anyway: what with thefurrylittleproblem".

"The what?" Snape had better control of his tongue, but he was sitting up very straight in his chair breathing through his nose with far too much concentration.

"Furry. Little. Problem." Remus repeated carefully. "I'm a werewolf," he added seriously and then burst out laughing, "s'what James calls it."

"And you let him? It sounds like you own a badly behaved hamster."

"Rat actually."

"Are you insane, Lupin?"

"No, he chews through shocks, I mean socks, shometimes."

They tried to focus on each other while Remus tried to remember exactly what he had just said, and if he needed to remove his tongue with immediate effect. Snape lost interest first.

"Clearly you are insane," his nose breathing increased in intensity, "and I am clearly the only sober one here because..," Snape pulled himself up until it looked like he'd forgotten to take the coat hanger out of his robes before he'd put them on, "anyone in their right mind knows that the best thing about Lily Evans is her laugh." He stood up suddenly, if not steadily, "her laugh can open up the heavens, cast even the dreariest day in dappled sunlight, it can transport you…Is something wrong?"

Remus had slid to the floor in a fit of the giggles.

"You disagree, Lupin?"

"No. Nononono, she hash a lovely laugh."

"Lovely? It's euphoric, angelic, beautiful."

"She's beautiful."

Snape sat down heavily and fell slowly backwards into the embrace of the chair until his feet were level with his knees. "Words don't do her justice."

"We're both in trouble."

"Yes. I was serious about the Imperius curse you know?"

"'Sno good," Remus shook his head, "too late. I mean what could we do?" He gestured wildly, "put him in a pink tutu anddanceSwanLake?"

The two boys paused while the image took form.

"If you like," Snape sulked.

"No!"

"Spoil sport."

XXX

Remus awoke the next morning without a crick in his neck, but to the less than melodious sound of Snape being sick in the toilet that the room had seen fit to add as an after thought.

"Are you all right?" He asked when he had managed to uncurl himself from the chair and stumble to the bathroom door.

"Get lost, Lupin."

The idea of holding back the greasy hair didn't settle too well on an all ready queasy stomach, "my pleasure." Remus made his escape into the grounds for some fresh air and recovery time before he confronted his friends. He finally made it back to the dorm when the need for hang over potion became too much.

"Funny that," said James through his dopey grin, "I've just seen Snivellus and he looks as sick as a dog. No offence, Pads."

"None taken, lover boy," Sirius sauntered over with the potion, "What time you meeting Evans?"

Any potential affect of the potion on Remus was diminished by this news and he stayed feeling quite sick.

"You know what Snivellus said?" James continued.

"No," Remus found his bed and sat down carefully.

"He said if I broke Evans' heart he'd put me in a pink tutu and force me to dance Swan Lake. What in Merlin's name is that anyway?"

"Ballet," Remus smiled in spite of himself.

"Snivellus said that?" Sirius asked, "he's got more imagination than I thought."

"You all right, Moony?"

"Apart from being hung over?"

"All right, don't unleash the sarcasm on me."

"Then don't ask stupid question. Have fun with Lily."

"Thanks mate," James gave the dopey grin full possession of his face, "you know it wouldn't have happened with out you."

"Oh yes," Remus groaned, "a fact I will remind myself of daily."

XXX

Lily Evans became Lilly Potter without James having to put on a pink tutu. Remus was at the wedding and was nearly a hundred per cent happy for his friends. A vast improvement from what he'd felt when they'd first started going out. He later married Nymphadora Tonks; after a slight glitch, because despite what he said to Snape not all women can be trusted to decide whether a man is actually good enough for them or not. Especially when the man concerned is Remus Lupin.

Snape fared less well: he was in love with Lily until the day he died.


End file.
